External Validation

Valentines Day has passed and it had me thinking a lot, way more than other years. As someone who has been in a healthy relationship for 13 years, I would put the love you post up but as a non romantic I was never invested in Chris bringing me home flowers or wanting a big show of his love on Valentines day.

I used to expect these things and be torn apart if they weren’t what I had envisioned in my mind. When the expectation didn’t meet the outcome, I was crushed and it was all Chris’s fault. Or was it?

I saw how when partners didn’t deliver, the world came crashing down. I started to realize how damaging this external validation was. We have been taught by marketing that in order for you to feel loved and valued on valentines day, that material items need to be given. All of the dishes in the sink need to be done, the BIG love gestures need to be given because when they are not.. we are not loved and we aren’t valued.

Why are we putting so much pressure on one day?? Why are we not distributing this over the year? Why are we not communicating and working as a team in a partnership , that when Valentines comes along we don’t put all of our eggs in this basket?

Why are we using this day to help externally validate how someone else feels about us? When are we going to ask, how do WE actually feel about OURSELVES? Do we have self love? Probably not if we are mad someone else isn’t showing us the validation we need.

How can you make it Valentines for yourself all year round? How can you show yourself love in little ways throughout the year that add up to BIG results. That when Valentines day comes around and you get a kiss or a small gesture it’s just the unexpected cherry on top of a deliciously baked cake that you have carefully made all on your own.