Communication & Long Distance Relationships
When your husband gets deployed like mine does being in the military, you find yourself in a long distanced relationship. It truly brings a WHOLE new level of communication.
I think this is why I have been so called to write the 12 week course that is coming out next month called The Secret to a High Vibe Relationship: a couples guide to effective communication. Chris and I have worked so hard on our communication over the years and with his job it has definitely added that extra layer that when he was deployed it would test how hard we had just worked.
When I was pregnant with our third child, our daughter, Chris was deployed when I was 10 weeks pregnant. He then returned when I was 37 weeks pregnant. I remember near the end of their deployment they were in New Zealand and there had been an Earthquake that they needed to stay to help with disaster relief. I remember Chris telling me and my rational brain completely understood. He told me that everyone knew he had to get home as soon as he could because we were expecting our baby and he would do everything to be there but was scared with this new mission that they had to do. I got off the phone and remember ugly crying my whole way to work. He ended up coming home when he was expected to and a few short weeks later, our daughter was born.
We had to have GOOD communication with him being away for that long and needing to reintegrate into mine and the boys lives and into our routine. Now add a newborn baby in there and I am surprised we are still married LOL. But it is because of the rock solid communication that we have had over the years that is always developing, improving and growing that we are able to be such a strong couple.
My top 5 ways that we have kept good communication:
Honesty: Even in the example above where Chris called to tell me what was happening. He didn’t know for sure how long it would be but made sure to keep me updated every step of the way. I do the same for him where we often will check in throughout the day. I just got emails from him today that he has to work late a few nights and has put it into our shared google calendar which has been a godsend for communication.
Vulnerability: Telling each other when we are scared, hurt or sad in the moment. As someone who is in the service field I often will try to strategize and help when Chris comes to me with an issue. He has had to remind me that he needs me to take my professional hat off and allow him to just be heard and understood. We will take time on Saturday nights to sit together, phones away and listen to jazz music and just talk. This has been a game changer in our relationship.
Play: BE Playful! But its tough to be playful if you don’t feel safe and secure in your relationship. So if you are stuck and not able to be playful, this is where it can be a sign that deeper work needs to be done. We will put on music and dance in the kitchen while cooking together. I joke that Chris should have been a chip and dale stripper with his moves! I will be super serious planning our meals and he will come up to me and start bumping and grinding to some ridiculous song he’s put on. It makes me laugh so hard and completely changes the energy.
Don’t go to bed angry: I can count on one hand how many times I have gone to bed angry and it has been awful. Being able to talk it out and say how you feel always means a goodnight sleep, especially after make up sex ;)
Use “I” Statements: When we say “YOU made me feel unwanted when you acted like that” We are pointing the finger at the other person and the reaction of the other person will most likely be defensiveness. When we use "I” statements, we are telling them how WE are feeling. We are only every in charge of our own feelings and can only speak from our own perspective. If the person you are talking to still gets defensive, it’s allowing them to know that this is from MY perspective and how I am feeling. So for example “I feel unwanted when we are out and I am walked away from”.
If you want to hear a beautiful story about how Chris and defied all odds in the communication world and made a miracle happening, please tune into my podcast episode here
Looking to deepen your connection with your partner and take your relationship to new heights? Join our 12-week on-demand course and learn practical communication strategies to elevate your love life!
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12 weeks of engaging video lessons delivered to your inbox weekly, designed to help you cultivate deeper intimacy with your partner
Two videos each week: one with me and one with my husband sharing insights and lessons learned from our own marriage
A comprehensive toolkit of communication tips and tricks to help you navigate difficult topics and conversations with ease
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