People pleasing behaviour is addictive.
I was a people pleaser too
I get it, and there is no judgement from me. Just love and understanding. But tell me WHEN do you finally start admitting that you have this addictive behaviour and start re-parenting yourself?
WAIT! Did I just call people pleasing an addictive behaviour?
YES...Yes I fucking did.
And this is why.
When you people please you FEEL good. The other person is happy with you and you "feel like a good girl" thanks to your conditioning from childhood. It's a big hit of dopamine from this feeling AND if you didn't know... dopamine is the feel good chemical in your brain that gets released when something makes you feel good.
SO why wouldn't we be addicted to this behaviour of pleasing others when we get a hit of happy every time we do it?
Because very similar to my struggle with alcohol, that dopamine hit comes crashing down. The feeling goes away and you are left with anxiety, left with wondering what you can do to make them happy NEXT, wondering if what you said was enough or if they like you or if you should do more.
BUT at the SAME time feeling resentment, anger, frustration, exhaustion, anxiety, depression and just feeling lost and alone.
It sucks
I remember it well
But I knew I didn't want to live like this forever. I knew it wasn't sustainable and my nervous system was shot. I had been living like this my whole life and now I am seeing MANY of the clients are going through the same thing
It makes me appreciate how I was called to this work and am able to help them re-parent themselves because that's what needs to be done. We need to go IN find the root of the behaviour, when did it start?When did you start looking at outside sources for approval?
Then work on:
Creating Boundaries
Building Awareness
Stronger Sense of Self
Awareness of Triggers
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